so the sun has been out the last two days and i have been feeling much happier again.  A few days ago, i felt really down.  I talked to a friend about it and wondered if perhaps the act of cleansing has just made things a lot clearer.  my moods are more defined, not just better or worse- but clearer.  

i love the romaine juice its very watery and refreshing.  i've almost gone through the whole case.  I am bummed i had to miss the last coaching call, i was at birthday parties with my kids all weekend and could not get away to make the call.  I am excited that tomorrow is the last day of the fast and then i guess i will be doing two days of prunes.  i have been fantasizing about avocados but i guess it will be a few days before i can eat those.  i feel really good physically.  i have been doing the dry brushing, enemas ( a couple a week) and taking the vitamineral greens every morning which i just love.  i got tired of my juicer not working well- (champion--very foamy and clogged easily and did not juice wheat grass even though the company said it could when i called).  i borrowed my roommates Juiceman jr. which was kind of the bottom of the wrung.  it juiced better than the champion though.  i ordered a new juicer - an omega that does wheat grass and greens and everything.  i am so excited for it to come in the mail.  part of me felt frustrated that i wouldn't have it before the end of the fast- but i know i will continue juicing and my least favorite part has been the cleaning and the time consuming task of making the juice.  i am hoping that with this new juicer it will be a smoother more enjoyable process.  i have always wanted a wheat grass juicer!!!  

today i went on my favorite run through the woods at priest point park at the ellis cove trail.  it was a glorious beautiful day and i had so much energy.  Again i was amazed that i had no asthma or shortness of breath at all.  it was almost hard to leave the house without my inhaler but i did it and again i did not need it.  it amazes me how good it feels to have zero mucous.  i usually have a stuffy nose and slightly bloated belly.  Today i can say that my nose is utterly clean, as is my colon, and i can breath perfectly.  Amazing.  

i am worried about breaking the fast.  in the past i have not always given myself adequate time to come off the fast, and i have gained weight and had uncomfortable bloating.  i dont want to do that this time.  i want to take it really slow and be super mindful of how i feel about each food i choose to consume and really give my body time to readjust to food.  i cant wait for something savory to chew- but i will wait.  

my intention is to enjoy the process of reintroducing food- to take it slow and to stay mindful.  i would like to feel connected to my choices and stay sensitive to how i feel as i eat and how it feels to digest each food.  i want to notice if something does not feel quite right and avoid eating anything that might be irritating to my system.  i want to continue juicing and feeling healthy and light and clean.  it feels good to not be able to wear some of my pants anymore because they are too loose- it feels good to have so much energy and clarity - even though i dont always feel as happy as i wish- i know i am recognizing my true feelings which ultimately gives me the power to change them.  

i ordered an entire case (24 heads) of romaine from the co-op.  i have boxes of veggies on my porch.  people ask.  its ok.  i was worred the lettuce would gross me out juiced since i have so much of it i would need to commit to doing mostly lettuce for the rest of my fast.  it was cheaper and easier to get it in bulk.  luckily it is super tasty juiced.  i add some spinache or kale- some apple or orange and yum yum.  i had two big quarts of it today.  i became addicted to young coconut water last weekend and i realized today while talking about the psychology of food and addictions that i have a tendancy to latch on to something i feel is like a treat and even on a juice fast i have found my treat.  i will play head games around when i get to drink the next coconut.  yesterday i emptied five. 

the coolest thing though. was that as i was talking about it i identified that i had created an attachment to the coconuts.  my client asked what to do about that and i said the only thing to be done is to create space between myself and the attachment so that i remember i dont need it.  once i feel clear about listening to my body and not my mouth again, then i can reintroduce the coconut water.  i hadnt really realized any of this until talking about it.  what happened after i realized this was amazing though.  the attachment was gone. 

i made another lettuce juice and now the coconut doesnt even seem tempting.  i know i can either have one tomorrow or not. 
just recognizing the attachment was enough for me to let it go.

fascinating.

yesterday and today have been gorgeous warm and sunny.  i did 12 massages in the past two days and yesterday i went running and today i did an hour an a half yoga class.  i got a little dizzy with all the down dogs to pyramid standing poses- it was a bit vigorous.  i felt warn out.  during shavasana i moved my mat into the sun and fell into the deepest most peacful rest.  it felt almost impossibe to pull myself out of it when he rang the little chime.  it was glorious. 

i had a colonic on monday and it totally turned my whole life around.  i have been trying to figure out the last two days if i am so absolutely changed by the clean colon or by the sun.  or maybe i can just let it be both.  i actually gave myself an enema this morning.  its amazing.  i m not afraid anymore.  i just want to be that person who does them daily like brushing my teeth.
its so incredible to go through the day feeling that internally clean.  i think i have always had anxiety around my colon.  even when i did the 40 day master cleanse i still avoided properly careing for my colon and always have felt sluggish and avoidant about really addressing it. 

so the past few days even though i have worked a bunch i feel super happy and centered and loving the juicing now.  if the weather turns bad and i start to hate it again- i will know that i am in trouble- but really i do think the colonic had  a lot to do with it.  i highly recommend doing one if you want to lose weight, absorb nutrients better and let go of past shit both metaphorically and literally.

life is so odd.  what i am noticing is that i am hungry.  i am not drinking enough juice to call this a feast.  i think its cuz i am sick of the sweet greens.  i need savory but i am afraid it will make me nauseous.  i am tired of juicing so i dont do enough.  i am drinking lots of water but my lips are dry.  i went running today through the forest and it made me feel happy- but i think it made me hungrier.  i guess thats to be expected.  my tummy is growling but its too late to get up and juice.  any good savory combinations?

what i feel besides hungry is a profound sense of my self- observing myself.  i feel like i am reading between my own lines.  today i ws running and my mind was running even faster and yet i was still totally present- not just racing away with my thoughts.  i made myself stop runnign and noticed how i felt more like an animal than a human-who- -doesnt- consider- themself- an- animal. 

running ussually lifts my mood in general but tody i feel nostalgic and blue because the brief stint of sun is now gone and i am too busy to think streight.  i am working on restructuring my life so i can find more happiness amidst all the rushing. 

i wanted to cry today but no tears.  had two bowel movements though.  small and not very easy. 

i am getting a colonic on monday. 

i think i have some old shit to let go of.  hopefully if i get it out litterally i will feel happier. 

i have an awareness in this moment that the feeling not so happy parts are just as much a part of the detoxing process as the glowing shiny clean clear parts.  the ecstatic parts are more fun. 

when i let myself be with the lame feelings, i can acknowledge that i am just havign growign pains- just having letting go pains.  getting present is hard.  i want to be here in this very experience fully- but i also pine after imaginary futures and pasts. right now this present moment is not better than my imagination.  but it isnt bad either, its just that i am ready for some new inspiration. 

and sun.

Just completing day six and feeling better.  Hunger pangs are almost nonexistant and i had tons of energy yesterday and today.  Yesterday i danced all morning and rode my bike around town with my kids- then jumped on the trampeline with them for about 45 minutes.  I was actually suprised by how much energy i had.  The weather has been gorgeous and sunny the past couple of days, and i realized today, sitting in the sun in my hot tub, how important the sun is. I have missed it so much this year!  It has been gray and cold mostly every day for so long that i forgot what it felt like to be outside and feel comfortably warm. 

I found a juicing combination i am feeling really good about whcih is spinache kale dandylion orange juice.  I also started taking green powcer.  I did not have any eliminations today which concerns me but have been drinking tons of water and takeing psyllium ad triphala.  I will try to go out tomorrow and buy the herbal laxative and the skin brush and the enema kit.  I am not looking forward to the enemas. 

Emotionally I have been feeling really clear and centered.  I have this sense of a fog lifting a little.  Not a dense fog- but enough of one to notice.  I forgot how much i love the feeling of cleansing.  I really feel good.  The only thing i dont like is the feeling of muscle tissue turning to fat.  I am loosing some weight but not a lot.  I dont own a scale so i am going by how my clothes fit and how i feel in them.

i had two experiences this weekend with feeling incredible.  one was at Kirtan (east indian call and response singing) where i felt my whole body buzzing for about an hour after- and really felt incredible all throughout it- and then with the five rhythms dance on sunday morning, i felt so joyful and endlessly energized that at one point i would actually say i felt ecstatic.  No wonder they often call it ecstatic dance!

My main goals on this cleanse are to really notice how i feel- to notice any shifts that may occur in my overall sense of well being.  So far i really feel calm and more alert and clear. I would like to figure out a way to juice more efficiently so that it doesnt take so long.  I would like to make juicing a regular routine in my life.  I would like to feel at peace in my body and in my whole self.  to feel grounded and whole and inspired.  I would like to live in allignment with my highest self.  Living without solid food gives me a sense of purpose and discipline and grounds me in what is truly inportant.  I realize i often use food to reward myself- through this kind of indulgence, i can pretend that this moment doesnt matter when in truth every moment matters.  Juicing makes me feel constatnly aware of this truth- and every time i notice a craving for something, i get to choose to let it pass, and stay present with myself instead.

This is very rewarding.

This is my first post at the end of day four.  It has been two years since my last detox.  I have never completed a juice fast succesfully before so i am curious to see what this is like.  I have done the master cleanse a bunch of times in the past, for 10, 14 and once for 40 days.  I love the master cleanse because it is so simple.  Make lemonade again and again- dont have to think about it. I thought perhaps the juice fast would be easier due to the variations in ingredients but i am finding that all the preparation and combining of things makes me a bit nervous and overwhelmed. 

Yesterday I woke up feeling really energized and gave six massages and then received a really powerful essential oil massage  (the raindrop with young living oils for detoxing) at the end of the day.  This morning i figured i would feel good- but i must be moving toxins cuz i felt kind of tired and pensive all day. 

I have to prepare food for my kids all day long and now they are on srping break so i really have to make every meal for them (they are 6 and 8 yrs old).  Its hard at times to be so close to the food and not just pop  a bite into my mouth as i am an habitual grazer i discovered.  

I am not very good at keeping track of what i am juicing or how much i am drinking.  sitting down and finishing a quart at once rarely feels possible.  Mostly my problem is that the juice is rarely pallatable and sometimes i feel nauseous while i am drinking it.  I think i need to make simpler combinations. 

I have been soing a lot of spinache, romaine, cellery, cucumber, carrot juice with apple or orange to make it taste a little better.  I tried to make a non sweet garlic green juice last night and made the mistake of juicing too much garlic and almost threw up.  Wont be making that mistake again.

I love my veggies and mostly live on salads but i cant seem to get myself to drink streight greens without gagging.  I wonder if anyone else has this issue?  I am really not wanting to do too much sugar.  I dont want to mess with highs and lows of blood sugar levels.  I had the water of two coconuts today- i had to use a hammer and knife to get a hole in them.  i forgot how to cut them open properly!  th coconut was the best thing i have had so far- but again i am worried about sugar content.

i dont thinki im coming close to a quart of fruit juice since its mixed with everything else.  but i would love some ideas as to how to make the savory juices taste better.

hope everyone is doing well!